If you could foresee the future and be aware that your actions would destroy the life of another, would you go ahead with those decisions, or would you consider another plan?
Apply that logic to raising a child.
If you know you are incapable of providing all they need emotionally above all else, why become a parent. Don't you owe it to yourself the time to heal before you place another life before yours? I think so.
Parental tasks keep them both stressed and the atmosphere toxic. It creates rebellious children who grow up with no respect for their parents, no hope for themselves, poisonous people.
These illy raised little boys and girls go through life, destroying other people, simply because they have no idea how to act. Their entire upbringing was dysfunctional.
Nothing in life is easy, but it's all about how you choose to navigate through it. Struggling, Mentally unstable Parents abuse their children, whether physically, socially, or mentally. It is often unbeknownst or indirect, but even still, when these children grow up and start lives of their own, these same parents feel some entitlement to this child based on being mom or dad.
It doesn't matter your title; if you are the cause of another's pain or anguish; not being obligated to anything from that person; even if it IS the child, you gave birth to. Children don't belong to their parents. They use the birth canal to get here with the presumption they chose the right people to guide them to adulthood.
The 80s was an era where drugs flooded the black community's streets, and that was the decade that began my generation. Many women and men were turning to crack/cocaine to suppress the pain, turmoil, and sorrows from within. They were creating another era as well, young and hopeless.
Now what you have seems to be doped up fathers and battered mothers, alcoholic dads, and crackhead moms attempting to raise children. When mom or dad wasn't there to smoke and drink all the money away or incarcerated, these children were often left alone to take care of themselves because mom or dad was either strung out on locked away in jail. Growing up alone leads to an entire generation of children growing up empty, searching for something to fill that void, and ultimately leading them down a destructive path of blame and worthlessness.
Most children grow and never speak on these ordeals and nightmares; they keep it bottled and sealed on the inside, hoping that it'll just fade away. The pain from these issues never subside, and the emptiness gnaws on the inside of your spirit, causing you to react to a life filled with regret, anger, self-hate, doubt, and mostly resentment.
Nothing in the past can come undone, but it doesn't have to continue this way. Unless your parents passed away with unresolved issues, There is no reason, in 2020, that there are still parental-child relationships severed. It takes acceptance and accountability, and to cure this epidemic is to first start by healing yourself. There is no way you can see the truth when you're hiding from reality, subconsciously or consciously. To run from the fact is to continue to live a lie.
In the meantime, kill pride and face the facts, every action presents a reaction, and every cause will have an effect, whether good, bad, or indifferent. The destroying of a generation is still in play today. In the 80s, babies grew to become parents and raised their children under the same circumstances and beliefs. A disastrous cycle that needs acknowledgment to have it undressed packed up, and put away forever.
You can not ignore the reasons why family functions are always dysfunctional.
"The proof is in the pudding."
She watched it happen; The death of a family and tried to save it but think about it;
When Grandma died, the entire family fell apart, didn't it.
And who was up next?